20-year-old son ruins dad's car during street racing, dad demands son pay for the car, family calls him heartless: ‘Parents don't treat kids like debtors’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Mar 21, 2026 5:00 PM EDT

Parenting requires setting boundaries and rules for your children, no matter how uncomfortable they might be because of them.

That is a lesson every parent must learn at some point, if they want their kids to grow up and become independent adults. We can't coddle our children for their entire lives without consequences, and the father and son in the story below are currently in the process of learning this lesson the hard way.

This 49-year-old father helped his 20-year-old son buy a car by co-signing and putting down $12k so his son could buy it. From the start, Dad made it clear that the money was not a gift, but a loan that he expected his son to return once he had a job. Fast forward two years, and the son still has not repaid his dad for the car, and not only that, but he is also taking the car completely for granted and driving it like a reckless kid.

This led to the car being completely totaled after the young adult took it to street racing with his friends. And here is where the dad's parenting had to step it up, this is where he had to set a boundary to ensure his son would learn from his mistake and become a more responsible adult: The son still owed his father $12k for the loan of the now-lost car, but he thought that since the car no longer existed, his father would not make him pay for it. The dad, however, disagreed. He still had to pay the insurance, and he saw no reason to let his son get away with his actions without paying for it.

Dad told his son he had to start making monthly payments to pay back the car, and even informed him that he would take him to small claims if he refused. Son claimed Dad was being heartless, and told the rest of the family what he was making him do. The family, surprisingly, took the son's side. While the father insists on teaching his son a lesson, the rest of the family is telling him to let it go. Should he? Keep scrolling to read the rest of the story…

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  • Inside view of a young man driving a car.
    via Martin Wyall

    Inside view of a young man driving a car.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITA for demanding my son repay the car I bought him after he totaled it street racing?

    I (49M) helped my son (20M) get a car when he started college about 2 years ago.
    via redwayit
  • I co signed and put about $12k down on a used but pretty reliable car for him.
    via redwayit
  • From the start I told him it was not a gift, it was more like a loan from me.
    via redwayit
  • The idea was once he had a job he would start paying me back monthly, and also that if he started driving like an idiot I would take the car back.
    via redwayit
  • Last weekend he completely totaled it. Turns out he was doing street racing stuff with some friends.
    via redwayit
  • The car is gone and now insurance is pushing back because it happened during illegal activity.
    via redwayit
  • There is still about $8k left on the loan so right now im the one stuck with it.
    via redwayit
  • He does have a part time job but honestly most of his money goes to partying and dames.
    via redwayit
  • I told him he needs to start paying me back, I asked for $300 a month until its paid off.
    via redwayit
  • I also said if he refuses I might take it to small claims because I really dont want to be the one paying for a car he destroyed doing something stupid.
    via redwayit
  • He blew up at me and said im heartless and kicking him while hes down because the accident "traumatized" him.
    via redwayit
  • He said parents are supposed to help their kids not treat them like debtors. My ex wife (his mom) is also on his side and says if I didnt want this situation I should have just given him the car.
    via redwayit
  • Some friends say $12k is a lot of money and accidents happen so I should just let it ao.
    via redwayit
  • But to me the deal was clear from the start and he broke it in a pretty big way.
    via redwayit
  • AITA for expecting him to stick to the deal and pay me back?
    via redwayit
  • Night Street Car Racing with Bystanders
    via Austin Briones

    Night Street Car Racing with Bystanders.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • stemroach101 NTA His bratty entitled attitude means that it is really important that he is held accountable for this, that there are consequences for his actions. Letting him off the hook will just amplify his stupid behaviour
    via stemroach101
  • Massive-Beginning994 Hopefully he's on your ex-wife's insurance. She might start to sing a different tune when her renewal comes in... NTA at all.
    via Massive-Beginning994
  • SPINPINS NTA this wasn't an accident, it was the direct result of his wreckless behavior. He's lucky he just has to pay money and not face charges for killing someone because this could have ended much worse for him
    via SPINPINS
  • KaralDaskin > He said parents are supposed to help their kids You are helping him. You're helping him learn to be responsible, and that actions have consequences.
    via KaralDaskin
  • MagiOfTheEther NTA. If he was street racing then it's his fault he crashed
    via MagiOfTheEther
  • whatsmypassword73 NTA, your son apparently needed the fullness of the lesson. He's lucky he didn't hurt anyone or worse. He put himself in this position. I met a young woman years ago (she was 21) she wrecked her first two cars and her parents bought her a third, which permanently injured a friend of hers when she wrecked that one. Her parents regretted not making a decision to stop her.
    via whatsmypassword73
  • Cheezburger Image 10616486656
    via holyc**ptheresnoname

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Tags

racing car work new car parenting debt loan dad family mom money son parents young adult
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